Extreme Home Makeover or Putting Lipstick on a Pig?

~ Day 102 Grey Gardens

Alas, we’re back behind the corncob curtain for one last semester at a “large, Midwestern university”.  I think this tour of duty will be the hardest one yet, for several reasons.  First, our adult children have moved out of the state for bigger and better pursuits.  It sucks for us that we won’t be seeing much of them this year.  Second, we’ll be working on the final push for selling our house between now and the end of the semester. 

Returning to the house behind the corncob curtain reminds me of the movie, “Groundhog Day” since each year we re-live the same problems such as taking machetes and chainsaws to clear “Grey Gardens” and patching problem places on our 15 year-old roof.  The latter we discovered was done with organic shingles, which are wearing badly.  The previously patched places have continued to leak during the winter/spring/summer.  Yes, this is the year we had to finally face reality:  the roof needs to be replaced.  I’m not excited about coughing up the money for this, but hope we can recover this in the sale of the house. 

Also unchanging are my indoor hobbies, which have included painting and minor repairs to our 35 year-old house.  The projects have helped to keep me busy and I’ve learned a skill or two, although I don’t foresee advertising myself on craigslist as some senior-citizen handywoman.   At this point, I’ve painted every room and closet (including trims) except in the master bedroom, saving that for this year.  The added value of the bend-o positions I’ve assumed in painting cannot be overlooked, although I always pay later from these new stretches.  Also, I’ve learned that its best to keep one’s mouth shut (i.e. no mouth-breathing) while painting the garage ceiling! 

While the hobbies have kept me busy, it’s become pretty clear that all this “beautification” will not be for our benefit since the house hasn’t felt like “home” since 2005.  Yes, a long transition; the house keeps looking fresher while items keep disappearing to Florida or as donations/sales.  Pictures leave the walls; furniture leaves the house.  It’s become a place where we camp out for a few months while we patch, chop, repair, paint, oh and teach!  My view on tackling these projects is less than enthusiastic and makes me wonder if this is how Lindsay Lohan’s make-up artist feels when “decorating” her for court appearances. 

The first project I tackled this year was a bathroom linoleum floor.  Although I tackled this floor every year, I was frustrated that it seemed like my efforts were like putting lipstick on a pig.  I just didn’t see the improvement.  Not wanting to get into another home remodel project, I decided to take one last run at it with Clorox bleach, Comet cleanser with bleach, a refinishing product an old toothbrush, and a hazmat suit.  So, I spent a day crouched on hands and knees scrubbing with my toothbrush, thinking that of the task as more like KP, hoping it would be worth it.  Well, after all that, I was somewhat amazed to see that the floor did look a lot better.  Here’s hoping a buyer will enjoy the late 1970s retro feel of the room.  As for me, I went looking for the wine bottle and my ice packs.  Next up: tackling the kitchen floor!