Doomsday Prepper, Hoarder, or Disorganized Storage

Moving is always a PITA, but it seems harder the longer one lives in one place.  We’ve lived in the same house behind the corncob curtain for 34 years.  Although we moved to Florida seven years ago, the final push to clean up and clean out the house behind the corncob curtain has caused me to display some RCA dog looks and has provoked some interesting questions.  Are we elementary doomsday preppers or budding hoarders?  Or are we just practical schmucks who have stored oddball items for that “rainy day” with no thought or plan? 

This fall a couple of odd-ball events occurred which might have led me to prep for an electronic doomsday.  This season, road crews cut through fiber optic cable not once, but twice.  This fiasco interrupted telephone service, landline and cell phone, internet service, and TV cable.  These events caused thousands of customers to be without telephone and internet service for as long as two weeks!  There’s nothing like being thrown back to the Stone Age when one doesn’t have any means of calling to report service outages or worse.   Add to that, my cell phone died – twice.  Yup, I’m now on my third cell phone.  Of course, one of these dead phone events coincided with yet another internet outage.  Coincidence?  I think not!! 

However, I’m just not enthused about a “prep-over”.  The whole digging a bunker, storing food and water plus guns and ammo just makes me weary! Also a steady diet of peanut butter and Tang just doesn’t have any appeal.   

Besides the unusual events this season here behind the corncob curtain, I’ve been making some discoveries in the house.  Taken together, these might be signs of lame efforts at prepping, or, at worst, hoarding!  Recently, I cleaned out a crawl space in our garage.  I found  five Christmas tree stands.  Now, storing these doesn’t seem like good prep idea, unless these carry some significant scrap metal value; but I don’t anticipate this market rising substantially in a post-doomsday world.  Also found were TWO old toilet seats!  OK, we don’t have canned food (or Twinkies) or water stored here, but in an apocalypse would toilet seats really be a highly sought-after, much-needed commodity ranked higher than food?  However, in a less dramatic scenario, I know I’d just drive up to “Home Desperate” to buy a replacement seat if one were to break down rather than hunt through a crawl space above the garage ceiling.

 

I’m finding weird stuff too.  More fuses than we would ever use and batteries that have expired.  This last one is a cruel tease especially if you need a flashlight and discover it doesn’t work and all the batteries you’ve hoarded don’t work either! 

Going through dressers and getting rid of clothes that are out of style, out of size, or are for sub-arctic temperatures has been slower than I thought it would be.  Why?  I found money!!!  While this is a good thing, I now have to search through clothes, under shelf lining, etc. to see if more cash has been stashed. 

In conclusion, I think we’re very poor doomsday or even emergency preppers and I took the first step to any hoarder threat and threw out the toilet seats and Christmas tree holders with no regrets. 

A Brief Trip Behind the Rust Curtain

View of Monessen PA 

We’ve just returned from a short weekend adventure in Monessen PA, our son’s temporary home.  John and I were looking forward to the trip and the visit, as we traveled somewhat familiar roads behind the corncob curtain and beyond.  Neither of us had driven this route since our grad school days and not further east Columbus Ohio.  We talked about taking a quick jaunt north to see our alma mater one last time until we hit grid-lock on I-70 near I-71.  That pretty much killed our wistful nostalgia buzz as we crawled along the highway wondering why ODOT never improved this highway bottleneck.  I have to give kudos to INDOT for doing a much better job with a similar crossroads in India-no place. 

Once we were out of the greater metropolitan area, we were zipping along eastbound enjoying the views.  We stopped for gas in one city and recalling that I once had a great uncle living there, I looked around the “gas and go” at people and wondered if any might be part of my gene pool.  “shudders”.   Still, the ride was mostly enjoyable with farmland, grazing cattle/sheep, gently rolling hills, straight and wide lanes on the interstate.  Then we crossed the state line and suddenly I knew that the border signified more than just a change in the speed limit. 

For about 10 miles we traveled through northern West Virginia.  The hills were steeper and the traffic was heavier.  Not too surprising since we were travelling near Wheeling.  What was surprising was seeing that coke processing continues, as evidenced by the noticeable brown cloud that hung over the Ohio River valley.  We experienced that old familiar look and smell we remembered from living in cities where steel production was king, but a bit more dramatically given its concentration in the river valley.

We crossed the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial Bridge, entering western Pennsylvania.  Several instant images flooded my brain:  the interstate is 4-lane and in little hope of ever widening; there are homes and tree tops right next to the highway in some places; people come to a dead stop on the ramps entering the freeway because there is no “mini-launch” ramp for them to get up to speed; the lanes are narrow; the state seems densely populated compared to Ohio, but it really isn’t until you reach Pittsburgh.    What happened to those gently rolling hills and farmlands of Ohio just 10 miles west? 

Our destination was a small town on the Monongahela River, a former steel town.  The first thought I had was that we had arrived on the set of “The Deer Hunter”.  In fact, the movie was filmed in several locations in the area!  As if the streets, the rusted steel mill, and the onion-domed church weren’t enough to complete that image, there were several dead deer on the highways.  Made me wonder why Robert De Niro and his buddies had to drive up into the mountains to hunt for deer, when it was pretty obvious that you could bag one easily by just driving down PA 906 or I-70.  “Deer Hunter” became our signal for dead deer for the rest of our mini-trip. 

Topographically, Monessen was different from places I’ve been.  The hills and the curve of the river contributed to winding streets where you might be driving NW, then north then east without turning a corner.  The steep grades were out of my recent driving history and I was glad I wasn’t driving our 5-speed Nissan, else I would have ended up in the river. 

So we were in search of a place for lunch in Monessen.  However, we quickly discovered that just about everything was closed, even though business hours that included Saturdays were posted.  As I drove around I saw only a few places that were open:  Subway, the pawn shop, and (my favorite), the drive-through beer distribution center!  I swear, this place looked more like a Quonset hut car-wash and all I could wonder is whether the seller also applies Windex one’s windshield during the stop.   We learned that distributors sell by the case or keg.  Six-packs and 12-packs are not sold anywhere.  We could buy beer with dinner at a restaurant or pizza joint.  So, in PA one can really get one’s “drunk on” by merely driving in and pointing to the desired brew and never leaving the car!  I also wondered if the distributors offered munchies or other retail “add-ons”. 

In closing, I’ve been writing a lot about some of the oddities about my life behind the corncob curtain.  Well, slap me silly, there are probably keg-loads more behind the rust curtain that are un-tapped, plus plenty of deer to bag!  Who knew?    

You Can’t Get Anywhere From Here

All of us are used to seeing orange barrels, heavy equipment entering/exiting the highway, Larry, Daryl, and Daryl; the whole road construction thing.  But this year, life behind the corncob curtain has more than the usual orange decorations, detours, flaggers, and road closures.  Worse, it’s become a huge hassle trying to get anywhere without going through a construction zone.  Much of it is due to the U.S. 231 project, which has bisected the major road routes to town. 

For you out of town readers, the three major routes to town/campus for those of us living in the northwest quadrant of the corncob are a U.S. highway, a county road, and a state highway.  The U.S. highway has two construction zones impacting travel to the twin cities.  Currently, there is a lane closure which starts at the intersection of our road and continues towards town.  Traffic coming towards campus is funneled to one lane, which is a nightmare for the morning commute going anywhere.  Even worse, the same U.S. highway has a longer section under construction and takes four lanes down to two for approximately one mile.  This bigger project has been going on for at least two years.  Imagine, a simple trip to the interstate (my escape route to Florida) used to be about a seven mile drive.  With the detour, the trip now takes me through three different construction zones covering eight+ miles.  Depending on the time of day, one quickly learns alternate routes around the construction, which adds to the miles and drives my GPS crazy.  I found it was just easiest to disable the thing rather than listen to her recalculate. 

The county road is closed just west of another county road, which often serves as another route into campus.  Unfortunately, the traffic is re-routed to our road where one can either head to the U.S. highway or the state highway to drive to town.  I am now living a video game:  Frogger!  Since going to the mailbox is high risk activity as is backing out of the driveway!  

In fairness, the state highway is mostly open, but still has trucks loaded with dirt moving about and across the road.  There are occasional traffic stops while trucks, cars, etc. share one lane in a dosey-do kinda fashion.  It is the best option for getting to that large midwestern university, normally a three mile commute.  However, with the detours and the traffic, it might be quicker to simply walk through the cornfields since any mode of transportation is guaranteed for a slow ride. 

So, each time I venture out by car, I have this little ditty running through my head.  Song written and performed by Todd Yohn as heard on Q-95’s the Bob and Tom show.  Fellow Corncobians will know it, but my out-of-state buddies may not.   I swear the video could have been shot here behind the corncob curtain.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L7UAyQ83Yg

...and I Lived in a Small Town...

Now that I planted that earworm, let me just begin by saying I’m still adjusting to being back behind the corncob curtain.  I know it seems odd since I lived here for 30 years, and fall semester for the last seven.  But I’ve learned that it takes about a month to make the transition.  Also, I realized that I can’t leave the house without running into someone I know (cue the earworm). 

I’m not talking about going out and purposely meeting someone for lunch or keeping an appointment with a dentist, I mean seeing at least one person from my past life wherever I go!  I’ve also seen a certain gold medal Olympic diver twice…all within my first two weeks.  I learned pretty quickly that I’d better make sure that I’m freshly showered, wearing decent clothes and have no corn stuck in my teeth.  However, what is a challenge is trying to recall 1) how I know this person; and 2) THEIR NAME!!  I view this as sort of my own personal game show, but without cash prizes or vacations to sunny destinations. 

Trying to figure out a person’s identity has to be done in a nanosecond if that person is right in front of you.  I’m rattling off thoughts like “do I know them from work; did they live in my neighborhood; is this a parent of one of Matt’s classmates; is this someone I know from a restaurant, bar, doctor’s office, etc.” and on and on.  The hard part is that I’m seeing these people outside the normal context within which I knew them:  at the post office, in restaurants, at the local “home desperate”, or in the grocery store.    Sometimes I get lucky and I spot someone at a distance and have an edge of running this mental program code in stealth mode by ducking down an aisle, under a table, or a behind a parked car.  However, I do have a bit of an edge going, well, two edges.  One, not too many people expect to see me here behind the curtain; and, two, since my hair is now white, people I haven’t seen in, well, a decade or more, definitely don’t recognize me. 

This week, I’ve seen someone who works at the office of my old eye doctor’s.  OK, that was a tough one; I should have gotten BONUS points for that recollection.  I guess this is a good sign both for my memory AND my vision.  Over the weekend, I ran into a former colleague while at a movie theater.   I surprised the hell out of her; it was such gleeful fun!  She certainly wasn’t expecting to see some ghost from her professional past turn up and say “Hi” while she was washing her hands in the restroom!  Restrooms are never places one EVER begins a conversation.  But hey, I’m behind the corncob curtain and a ghost from peoples’ pasts.  After her initial shock, we fell into a mini-reunion outside the restroom, along with her beau, one of my former softball teammates (cue the earworm).

I’ve seen a few people that I’ve known for 30 years, some casually, others that have been a close and important part of my curtain life.   Among those who did not expect to see me again, I’m greeted with “what are you doing here” or “didn’t you move to Florida”.  It must seem odd that I keep turning up in the fall, sort of like a seasonal corn character.  It has been nice to be remembered even by people who thought I was gone forever. 

But the reality is that this year is the last year that I will be showing up in unexpected places and running into people from my corncob past.  Who knows, maybe I’ll unexpectedly run across some Hoosiers in the Sunshine State where I might blurt, “What are you doing here”?  

Extreme Home Makeover or Putting Lipstick on a Pig?

~ Day 102 Grey Gardens

Alas, we’re back behind the corncob curtain for one last semester at a “large, Midwestern university”.  I think this tour of duty will be the hardest one yet, for several reasons.  First, our adult children have moved out of the state for bigger and better pursuits.  It sucks for us that we won’t be seeing much of them this year.  Second, we’ll be working on the final push for selling our house between now and the end of the semester. 

Returning to the house behind the corncob curtain reminds me of the movie, “Groundhog Day” since each year we re-live the same problems such as taking machetes and chainsaws to clear “Grey Gardens” and patching problem places on our 15 year-old roof.  The latter we discovered was done with organic shingles, which are wearing badly.  The previously patched places have continued to leak during the winter/spring/summer.  Yes, this is the year we had to finally face reality:  the roof needs to be replaced.  I’m not excited about coughing up the money for this, but hope we can recover this in the sale of the house. 

Also unchanging are my indoor hobbies, which have included painting and minor repairs to our 35 year-old house.  The projects have helped to keep me busy and I’ve learned a skill or two, although I don’t foresee advertising myself on craigslist as some senior-citizen handywoman.   At this point, I’ve painted every room and closet (including trims) except in the master bedroom, saving that for this year.  The added value of the bend-o positions I’ve assumed in painting cannot be overlooked, although I always pay later from these new stretches.  Also, I’ve learned that its best to keep one’s mouth shut (i.e. no mouth-breathing) while painting the garage ceiling! 

While the hobbies have kept me busy, it’s become pretty clear that all this “beautification” will not be for our benefit since the house hasn’t felt like “home” since 2005.  Yes, a long transition; the house keeps looking fresher while items keep disappearing to Florida or as donations/sales.  Pictures leave the walls; furniture leaves the house.  It’s become a place where we camp out for a few months while we patch, chop, repair, paint, oh and teach!  My view on tackling these projects is less than enthusiastic and makes me wonder if this is how Lindsay Lohan’s make-up artist feels when “decorating” her for court appearances. 

The first project I tackled this year was a bathroom linoleum floor.  Although I tackled this floor every year, I was frustrated that it seemed like my efforts were like putting lipstick on a pig.  I just didn’t see the improvement.  Not wanting to get into another home remodel project, I decided to take one last run at it with Clorox bleach, Comet cleanser with bleach, a refinishing product an old toothbrush, and a hazmat suit.  So, I spent a day crouched on hands and knees scrubbing with my toothbrush, thinking that of the task as more like KP, hoping it would be worth it.  Well, after all that, I was somewhat amazed to see that the floor did look a lot better.  Here’s hoping a buyer will enjoy the late 1970s retro feel of the room.  As for me, I went looking for the wine bottle and my ice packs.  Next up: tackling the kitchen floor!

Places to go, things to see...don't forget to try the pie

Having lived here for over 30 years, it’s easy to become blinded as to things to do around West Lafayette.  Curious as to what others think are “must see” places, I was back on the internet googling for a top 10 list.  What came back were parks, museums, the University, historical sites, the Taste of Tippecanoe (an annual event), downtown Lafayette and a landmark candy story, and…the mall!!  Whaaa??  Does anyone really look forward to visiting a mall when they visit a new city?? 

I will concede, some of these places are worth a drive-by or more, but I came up with some others that didn’t make the list.  And I’ll skip corn mazes, since they are everywhere in the fall.  So, here are some things to check out if you wander off I-65. 

Although Fort Ouiatenon (pronounced Fort We Ought Not) made the top 10 list, the best time to visit would be during the annual Feast of the Hunter’s Moon, otherwise the Fort is often closed.  hmm, wonder why it made the list!  Typically in October, the Feast weekend includes re-enactments of life in the 18^th century for Native Americans, French, and English settlers.   Typical of re-enactments, this one includes people demonstrating the arts, crafts, and music of the era, all wearing traditional garb.  My favorite is the people who don loin cloths and throw caution and fashion to the wind, literally and figuratively.  One year, caution was definitely thrown as I witnessed several loincloth-clad men hoist canoes, carry them to the river and step into them, loincloths akimbo.  Oh, forgot to mention:  NO UNDERWEAR!!  

If you are driving along U.S. 52 heading towards Indiano-place, you might see an historical marker commemorating the site of the first successful caesarean section in Indiana.  The house in which this event took place has since been torn down, but apparently this occurred on the kitchen table in 1880.  That had to be a scary event for everyone involved.   From what I read, there were six attending doctors who refused responsibility for the success or failure of this procedure…but were there to watch or kibitz??  And I wonder if the doctor who performed it was the one who drew “the short straw” in a draw straws contest with the other six.    

One place that didn’t make the best place to eat or place to visit lists that I found was the Triple XXX diner.  Name is catchy, but no it’s not a porn place, but is the first diner in Indiana and it’s within walking distance of campus.  Another place worth checking out is the Oakdale Dam Inn, which boasts “best catfish by a dam site”.  I haven’t been there lately, but it used to be a “rocking” kind of place with red-checkered table cloths and cans filled with rocks.  The latter could be used to shake, rattle, and roll in time with the live music.  Oh, yes, pie is available. 



chocolate covered cricket, seriously



If in the area during the spring, check out the annual “Bug Bowl” at Purdue University.  I don’t know of other places where one can eat chocolate covered insects, participate in a cricket spitting contest, or race cockroaches??  Seriously, you gotta experience this at least once. 

Tippecanoe county courthouse is worth visiting (oddly, this wasn’t specifically on the list either).  As you read, I visited the courthouse a couple times during my stay behind the corncob curtain.  I was surprised to find that the original elevator from 1906 is still in operation!  Kinda fun to take the cage up four flights and have the ability to holler through the bars if there is any problem with the elevator or the passengers. 

So, as the countdown to escape from the corncob curtain draws to a close, I think Lafayette does have some cool stuff going on if you scratch, hunt, and search.  Writing this blog did force me to look beyond the corn for some new experiences or just a different slant on the common.    

Do You Want Pie With That?




Tipton Indiana

 

Whenever someone is planning a visit to a city, one often asks “where’s a good place to eat”; however, let me say that Lafayette does have some nice locally-owned restaurants with good food.  The nicer ones that come to mind are a bit high-priced.  These we save for special occasions.  However, many of the restaurants in West Lafayette/Lafayette are chain restaurants, with a lot of “fast food” places.  So, for us, we spend a good bit of time prowling the U.S. 52 bypass in hunter-gather mode in search of a place to eat, trying to avoid eating at one place more than once a week. 

Since I felt a bit blinded by old habits regarding restaurants and watering holes, I thought I would google a question about top ten places to eat in West Lafayette.  I’m inclined to think that the results say more about who completed the survey rather than the choices available.  Ones that were on the list included: Mexican fast food, a Wings sports bar, an Irish bar/pub; ice cream and frozen custard shops, Italian family style, sushi, Mediterranean, and a popular mid-western cafeteria chain (which placed FOURTH in popularity). 

Now, I have to admit that this cafeteria is a place where we dine, but it’s typically our last choice on the list of possibilities.  The hunt is not always an easy one and the choices are few unless we want to make a trip "across the river".  Anyway, the food at this cafeteria is pretty pedestrian, priced for the budget-minded, very popular among the elderly (no tipping), and, of course, a WIDE variety of pie!!  The place also does its best to provide personal fetch-it service to diners once they are seated; but my favorite is how the servers pitch the main courses.  If one is choosing roast beef, the servers are required to ask customers whether or not they want “au jus” with that?  Seriously?  Yup, I asked; they are required to use the phrase “au jus” and not beef broth or broth.  I could kinda “get it” if there were French entrées, but nothing comes close.  It’s basically what I would call a “meat and tater” kind of place, not a chateaubriand place.  One can choose salads/fruits, then an main course, vegetables, soup, rolls, and, of course, PIE.  I swear, there are two tiers of pie selections and plenty of pie advertisements/reminders at the tables, but not ala mode.  Whaaaa?? 

OK, so I’ve made a lot of references to pie since starting this blog.  What struck me slack-jawed was noticing that one could get pie (and eat pie) just about anywhere 24/7.  Pie is very popular around here but elsewhere also.  So popular that there’s a National Pie Day: January 23^rd.  Perhaps pie will become recognized as a fruit in the same way Congress now accepts pizza as a vegetable.  And why not, since many states have identified their own state pies!!  Whaaaa????   Seriously…  http://www.netstate.com/states/tables/state_food.htm